Gazing at the Bandaged Places

The poet, Rumi, wrote: "Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you." This is so counter-intuitive. Turning towards our pain? "Following" our scars, as Carly Simon said. They both seem to understand that there is a direct relationship between our wounds and our awakening. This takes us past the epidermis, past the sutures, to what is within. If you've had cancer, you know that the outer scar reflects an inner one. All of us have been wounded by life in different ways, cancer or no cancer. I have even come to think of my cancer scar as a reminder that there is inner work to be done. My outer scar has long healed, but the wounds in my soul - now that takes a lifetime to explore. An acquaintance told me, after my diagnosis, that I had cancer in my soul. Hurtful and unkind words for someone who is barely keeping her head above water in the wake of a cancer diagnosis! But there was some truth there that I can now look at compassionately. All of us have been wounded, need healing, and find it painful to examine our wounds. My tendency is to turn away, to focus on more shallow wounds, to hold grudges against  truth-speakers. I now know that it is okay to be wounded. I am not responsible for my wounds. So just as I made decisions about what course to take to rid my body of cancer, I now summon the courage to look within at how I've been wounded and how I at times inflict further wounds on myself and others. I can face whatever the truth may be - that I am fearful or selfish or anxious or arrogant - knowing that in gazing at these, the light will enter. When I sit in the dentist chair, my dentist has to say over and over to me, "Turn back towards me." Without even realizing it, little by little, I have pulled away and need his gentle reminder. It is not a natural tendency to turn towards the pain. Yet that is what we are called to do by those wiser than I am. And in that turning, we ultimately find our souls healing and the light entering. Our scars can remind us that there is more work awaiting - and there is more light ahead.