Following Our Scars

Carly Simon wrote a song about her own breast cancer experience called "Scar." This blog's title is taken from a phrase in that song. I heard the song several years ago - and wondered: What does she mean? Follow your scar? I had no clue - but I liked it.

Since that time, I have gone back to graduate school and completed a degree in counseling. Along the way, I began to read Carl Jung, his idea of archetypes and shadows. I believe our lives are full of archetypes, both universal and personal. What this means to me is that everything can teach us something, can take us deeper into our understanding of our own inner worlds. Our natural tendency is to hide our scars, right? We want others to see our best side, not our flaws. Jung believed that integrating our darker side was the key to personal development and growth. Rather than ignoring what those of us who have gone through cancer surgeries have - scars - what if we accepted them and learned from them? Where would that lead us?

What is a scar, in fact? It is a mark signifying some kind of wound, often from a battle. We even say we are "fighting cancer" and "battling the disease." But a scar is not only a wound. It is a wound that has healed and left its mark. It says to us and others: I have fought and won. I'm still here.

Every civilization has stories of battles and heroes. Our society is rather short on heroes, it seems. But there does seem to be some sort of universal respect for cancer survivors. If you are like me, you don't feel like a hero. Not at all. I got sick. I did what I felt was right to get better. So far, it has worked. That's how I look at it.

But the world needs heroes, and surviving cancer may be what provides that to some degree in our time. I am no paragon of virtue. I get discouraged and tired. I even find myself ashamed of how my body looks now. But I hear what I think Carly Simon is saying in her song. I am "following" my scar. I am exploring its meaning in my life. And I am learning not to cringe when I look at myself in the mirror. I am following my scar to a larger understanding of its presence and its meaning. And, with Carly Simon's admonition, I am learning to "lead with my spirit."

Scar ~ written by Carly Simon

A grey day in February
Some flecks of white, but mostly brown
Purple surprises riding in on a nerve
Begins to excite you before it settles down
It's after the knives and the sutures and needles
I'm left with an arrow that points at my heart
I call it the seat of my sentimental sorrow
Gone seems to be one of the sum of my parts
And the night is cold
As the coldest nights are
There's a wise woman
She comes from an evening star
She says: Look for the signs
You won't have to look far
Lead with your spirit and follow
Follow your scar
A man I knew once said he wanted to see me
I said I'd been sick but was on the mend
I told him a few of the overall details
He said: That's too bad
And he's never called me again
What a gift in disguise that poor little puppy
So scared of misfortune and always on guard
A big man will love you
Even more when you're hurtin'
And a really big man
Loves a really good scar
Cause the dawn breaks
And it's breaking your heart
There's a wise woman
She sits at the end of the bar
She says: Look for the signs
You won't have to look far
Lead with your spirit and follow
Follow your scar
A grey day in February
Some flecks of white, but mostly brown
The world has tilted but
The world has expanded
And the world has turned
My world upside down
Cause the night is warm and all full of stars
There's a wise woman
She's moved right into my heart
She says: Look for the signs
You won't have to look far
Lead with your spirit and follow
Follow
Follow your scar